So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
