Is it normal to miss your booty call?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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