If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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