I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
