My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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