which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
being pregnant is like rehab
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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