oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
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a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
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She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...