what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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