Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
