He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
