i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just wanna be euthanized