You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?