Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."