Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
