I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
