just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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