we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
My balls are so social today.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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