Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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