You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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