i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
