You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
