Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
