Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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