I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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