another moral hangover. fuck.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i've created a new STD.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize