You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
