When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
