so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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