Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
