Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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