I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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