So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
