What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We were destined to go to rehab together
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My bed smells like the plague
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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