everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
