We won't sleep together?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Randomize
