my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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