what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
