Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
