I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
