She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
