I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
