I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
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2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
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This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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