im having a threesome with these popsicles
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
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He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
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Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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