I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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