dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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