Can i not drive my cunt home
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
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