all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
