Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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