My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
