I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
