You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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