Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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