ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
