So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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