nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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