for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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