im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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