I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
