Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
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Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
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I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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