Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
