Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
home. puking in laundry basket.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
