This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
