Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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