I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
