Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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