remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
