he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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