I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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