I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
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You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
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Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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